hmmm.... coming back to the questions that had haunted me long long ago but then not so long ago either... why me, is this the way it is going to be! meeting people and then letting them go... is this the trait that is going to follow me. how many people can i let go, what rules am i living by, what principles am i setting for myself...
people accuse me, curse me, shun me, break me, wreck me, crush me and then leave me.
accuse me of loving them less, accuse me for not being there, accuse me for not sharing, accuse me for not feeling their pain, accuse me for being insensitive, accuse me for not being able to feel the pain, accuse me for being the very person they had once loved, accuse me of moving away.
curse me for thinking for them, curse me for holding on to them, curse me for looking out for them, curse me for trying to think for them, curse me for shedding tears alone when they don't understand me, curse me for moving away.
then they shun me, crush me, break me, wreak me and leave me alone... the time when i need them they are not there, i keep waiting but then no one cares, i look across the weeping plains, eyes strained and aching, waiting for a sign, waiting for a smile, waiting for a touch, waiting for them to come back, take me into their arms and tell me that it is alright to be scared, alright to cry. i dream with open eyes the sight of their happy face only to meet dark cold walls and empty streets at the end of the dream. i feel with my drained senses the sensation of their touch on my skin only to feel the stench and burn of the my scaled skin.
why do i have to think about everyone that is in my life. ask someone and they say that they think of me. am i so stupid, do i look so dumb, cant they see that their lie hurts me every single time. it hurts... how do i make them realize that the scent of the sweet memories is wearing away and that the trance is breaking, how do i tell them the pain is making me numb to their accusations. how do i convey that my tears are blurring their presence in my life. how do i make them hear my wails that don't let their words reach me. i am not able to come back to life. i am not so maleable any more, its cracking in places, i am cracking. the split edges jut into me and pierce me, it bleeds and it hurts...
someone hold me, give me a promise to live by, give me a hope...
