My head is buzzing...

this was meant to be a blog entry but thought that i will send it to you first.

its been more than 12hours that your feet took off from Indian soil to take you to that far off land and far from me. the amount of pain bottled up is immense. its frequently pushing up the edge of the eyes giving a warm and wet feeling along the eyes till it starts to prick. not able to cry! saw something in you... have no idea what it was... those 10 minutes when i held you and for the first time saw you shed tears for yourself... those where the moments! not able to cry any more... badly want to for it is simply compounding the pain.

want to brush my fingers on your cheeks... just for once! my hands seem to be asking for you... my chest asking for your breath on it... my eyes asking for your hair to float and fall in them... my fingers asking for your fingers to be locked in mine... my skin asking for the sensation of your eyes locked upon me... my feet asking for your feet to be casually thrown on them!!!

waited for two years for a hug now its every part in me asking for you! the mind is numbed by its physical limits but as the week wears off i am sure the mind will have carving of its own!

Remember this "Kal IMAX mein milenge, Batman dekhenge, Sandwich khaenge, Coke piyenge. Movie ke baad NTR garden ke road par chalenge aur phir aur ghumenge!!!". Ya it was jokingly asking you to meet me today... it was not a joke! i was praying for the impossible... Somewhere my heart prayed like a child that the moment of separation at staircase of your house was not real.

Scared Shonu... your Shonu is very scared!!! Scared that these moments are never to happen again!!! :(

Stabbed but ain't dead yet!

i told her, "I was dead, u put a little life into my body what else would happen but the sight of a body withering in pain and wishing that it was never brought to life at all." It is a feeling i have never before felt in my life. i was in pain, i was happy, i was shit scared, i was confused about the space i was in, i was unaware of the feeling that were flowing through me, i was unaware of myself.
i still feel her touch on my hand, her cold skin, her warm skin , her scent still lingers in my arms where i held her.
each of the tears that i shed hurt so much. tears felt so meaningless as she left me once more. i feel so meaningless!