She came as a breeze and I killed her by taking the very
sweet breath out of her that had become so very much my life. It is so
difficult in these moments when I finally realize that she is gone and that she
will not be around anymore.
I never wanted to meet her; she never wanted to meet me. But
fate got us together. Our mothers’ more so. How I hate this word now - mother! She blames me today but she has no idea what guilt burns me up. I am
ashamed to be her son. I wish it would be otherwise. I love my mother and would
throw myself in front of a bus still but never again will I be able to trust
her.
When she would play with my life, I would always look the
other way and try forgetting it. Now she played with another family, another
little girl’s life. She had no right. I will never forgive myself for
being the her instrument to ruin someone’s precious four months, may be someone’s
rising career, crushing someone’s dreams and breaking all the unsaid promises
that I made to her as we set up the world that we would stay in.
Now I stay imprisoned in this place I had wanted to call
home. Now it will be just another place which shall forever remain the reminder
of the tyranny that oozed and overflowed into the life of another family,
another soul.
Oh I am so sorry. I will carry this guilt forever!
