Call it a sad day or may be i have the ultimate capability to turn the silliest of things into a reason to crib. May be i should rename this blog cribberlife rather than use my name for it. i used to think that it is for the people who have hit their mid-age crisis to behave like this but i think i have it in my genes.
pain is coursing through my body and my mind is at a thousand places all at once. i am disturbed and the word itself does nothing to describe how fragmented i feel. my world is disintegrating. yes its her life and it is taking her places. oh god i cant put in words how proud i feel, overwhelmed with a warm feeling of an achievement, the buzz of success. But with it i feel the deep ring of fear. the fear of lose. i hate America for the fact that it has taken away the best of my life. It took things from me and even if it did return it to me - it was way too damaged to be salvaged. And so i am scared.
Also i am scared because i will not be able to assimilate and understand the circumstances as i can here. Now the settings are pretty much the same. But later it will be different, way too different, 'continentally' different. Will i still be... hmm... of any use. i can't think of anything. i know i will feel my way through it but at this moment the task seems very daunting. i don't want to lose her. She is the last person i hold dear to myself. i know this is the only way her life is going to bloom and i know that i have to let go. But it pains, i am bleeding and i want to scream.
i will smile and keep going on...
