Out in the wild...

so we are finally out... out in the dust and grime together! its been so long that i have had some company. it feels lonely, no one to speak to in the sense that there is no one to relate to so that we can speak heart to heart.

i don't even have days like those to miss for i had none. my family made sure that i had none. awesome isn't it. good it prepared me for this i.e. the today. but still i think that i am missing something.

something that i want but i am not able to get. pretty pissed off with myself. may be i want company or may be i just want to be left alone, may be a change in life.

or is this change driven by the fact that people who have left, oh fuck the same word again... guess it irritates everytime that i know that i am alone or i left them... hahaha...but what can i do... either way its me who is left alone...

may be i am feeling puny by comparison when i see people moving to places that i dream of. and want to do something to at least match what the others are up to, may be that but then i am not very sure anything now a days,

today i feel like typing and this nut case auto driver just wont give up.. he is weaving through every gap that he is getting. what luck... hmmm... friends foes... no relation as such existing as of now.. there is a family that i have and it is serving all roles. so it gets a little messy at times when you have to love the same people that you hated just the night before. thinking about everyone and thinking about everything doesn't seem to be working out anymore. sick of it. should i stop, should i look for new avenues...

everyone thinks about me then why doesn't someone just tell me what to do... its the same thing...i had been thinking about you but never is the statement assertive saying hey Rony i think that this is best for you, why don't you just do it... i am with you and i am going to stand with you throughout!

losing confidence... may be i will even lose myself in a year or so... dint do anything today at office and i don't think that i am capable of doing anything... its a strange feeling... may be i am just getting lazy and blaming things onto that... but what do i do... i am not able to understand anything...

heard a song... the climb from the movie Hanna Montana.... thought of it as an inspiration but the song just faded from my mind and except a few bitter thoughts of my own people who find immense pleasure in my mere presence and use of my brain for their petty personal issues!!

reaching home... better stop or all the bitter feelings of the week will splash these pages and leave many a souls in pain....