Got my hike. The first of my life. The last one that had happened had a different flavor to it. I had been plotting a revolt, a change. But to admit the truth, i am not sure if i should be happy or if i should be sad. The figure on the paper says 10%. It should definitely make me happy because i was expecting a lot less. But then is it a lot given the fact that i had got pay doubled 500 days ago.
Had been expecting a bonus, a promotion, i don't know, something. It didn't happen. I guess i am not satisfied. NO, I am not satisfied.
I want to smile but the conversation in my mind about dada and my life and that of maa and baba is still ringing in my head. It was pain that had pent up for 3 years. With our bitter lose in the case against dada and the sweet victory that he bought for himself has left my heart torn, which would mean that maa and baba must be in tatters :(
I am not satisfied, i am not happy! Why does it always happen that when there is something momentous in my life, i fail to feel the happiness or the excitement involved. Want to go home, want to go to sleep on my bed. Very tired...
3 comments:
Its always that when we are supposed to be happy, we are not.. Unaware whether to smile or cry, whether to embrace it or leave everything behind with it, to let go or plunge into it. Life i guess is like this but you may be I am an optimist, I feel it will be beautiful one day. :) May be, may be not, but it makes you smile to think about it..
For years forgotten in the dust of time, i have tried to imagine myself happy and content in some near future. Yes times came when i was happy and actually content but most of those moments were made blur by the intense flurry of pain that i was subjected to and washed away by the tears that made it to my dry eyes. I am weary of life Kiddo. There are so many things that i want to do but when you lose momentum it really gets difficult to push ahead when the major cause of friction are your own people.
happiness, yes, i still have hope that someday the sun will finally peak through the dreary and dark cloud shaded sky till then i will i will keep trying!!
hmm I pray it to be so...
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